The Killing Fields

Today I went for a walk. It was a beautiful day. The sun was out, the temperature was just right, and there was a slight breeze. Perfect weather for a walk! Recently, the weather has been terrible, and everyone in the house has had cabin fever. There is only so much one can do indoors before beginning to go just a little stir crazy. I, like my roommate, crave "alone time," so I was excited to get that chance today in the peaceful solitude of a late afternoon stroll.

HOWEVER, my walk was immediately compromised. At the exact same time I left the house, my roommate released his children out into the neighborhood, too. I was almost killed (or at the very least, maimed) by the tornado of scooters and bicycles that blew past me. I was sent hurtling into a lone shrubbery in a neighboring yard. Cursing under my breath, I quickly looked up to see in which direction the children were headed. Ahhh! Down the street, first right, second driveway on the left - Grandma's house!

Well, what the heck? When I began my jaunt, I had no destination in mind. Grandma's house might be a good place to go to today. I brushed myself off and emerged back onto the street from behind the shrub and proceeded to Grandma's.

As I approached the house, I heard a sobbing child. The closer I got to the house, the more distinct the crying became - it was the short kid with glasses. I snuck down the driveway, carefully avoiding the tall pretty girl who almost ran over me again as she flew down the drive on her bike. As I turned the corner, I saw the short kid with glasses sitting on the edge of the patio. Grandma was telling him that everything would be okay. He was sniveling and crying and sobbing and insisting that everything would NOT be okay, because the tall kid had pushed him off of his scooter. Grandma gave up and went back inside. Short kid with glasses continued to weep, but eventually got back onto his scooter, probably encouraged by the fear of Grandpa coming outside to reprimand him. Nobody wants a Grandpa beatdown!

Once he was on the scooter, his crying ceased, and he rejoined the others in the playful, Grandma's house, frolicking. The tall kid encouraged the short kid with glasses to join him in the front yard. He quickly responded and shot around the corner and down the driveway.

I am not exactly sure of the specifics of what happened next, because I was trying to keep a wary eye on the short curly haired kid who was riding in circles on her tricycle precariously close to where I was sitting. However, I remember hearing an awful sound. I heard a scream from the tall pretty girl. I heard a shout from the short kid with glasses. And I heard laughter from the tall kid. Then - BOOM!

The short kid with glasses had inadvertently guided his scooter directly into the path of the tall pretty girl on her bike. She was traveling at a high rate of speed, as was the short kid with glasses. As I mentioned before, I did not actually see the impact, but the aftermath was horrific. The short kid with glasses wound up on his side in the neighbor's yard and the tall pretty girl was thrown from her bike into Grandma's driveway. Her foot had been caught in the spokes and her knee had served as a flesh brake to slow her skidding on the driveway. Blood, tears, and sweat. (I refuse to arrange these words in the most popular order).

The tall kid feigned concern as he choked down his laughter. The short kid with glasses, however, who was furious that the tall pretty girl had knocked him off his scooter, composed himself when he saw the carnage. Grandma came out to see what had happened, and she quickly came down to assist. The short curly haired girl jumped off of her tricycle and flung it aside to run over to check on the tall pretty girl, screaming "Ohmygosh, Ohmygosh, Ohmygosh!" I pushed the discarded tricycle off of me and jockeyed for a position to see what was happening.

Long story short, Grandma saved the day by putting medicine and band aids on the tall pretty girl, Grandpa doesn't get any accolades today because he informed the tall pretty girl that the medicine Grandma was going to administer would "sting like hell." This resulted in terrified screaming pre-medication. Short curly haired girl tried to cheer up tall pretty girl by presenting her with an earthworm she had found, but wound up sending the tall pretty girl into hysterical crying again when she accidentally tore the worm in half. Short curly haired girl, upon seeing tall pretty girl's distress, immediately ran inside and told Grandma that she didn't mean to "break the worm." Tall kid rides his bike past the patio and asks the tall pretty girl why she quit riding bikes, which reminds the tall pretty girl that she was injured because of the short kid with glasses. The tall pretty girl yells at the short kid with glasses out of frustration, and the short kid with glasses starts to cry again, because he claimed that her accusation was not fair, because he didn't mean to make her crash, and besides - it was her fault that she wrecked because she is a girl and that obviously means that she automatically is not a good bike rider.

Due to the aforementioned tricycle accident, I quietly limped home and went to bed.

Can anyone tell me who did well on American Idol? I hope that the JT wannabe and the dopey youth director looking guy buy the farm tomorrow night.