Five in the Hive

I could produce a reality show. I mean, how hard can it be? I've watched thousands of hours of reality television with my roommate's girlfriend over the years, and I have decided that I wouldn't even have to leave this house to produce my own show.

Five in the Hive: Survival of the Fittest

Short curly haired girl sits at the breakfast table in a chair two feet away from her cereal bowl. Milk and cereal falls on the floor because despite being two feet away from her bowl, she is eating anyway. Tall pretty girl comes into the kitchen looking for something to eat. Short kid with glasses enters the den heading to the kitchen at the same time. He asks the tall pretty girl if she has taken the puggle out to pee. Tall pretty girl sighs, rolls her eyes, and complains out loud about the injustice of it all. Meanwhile, the puggle is clawing and scratching inside his crate and whining in high pitched sounds. The girlfriend comes in and tells the tall pretty girl to take the puggle out. Tall pretty girl rolls her eyes and stomps outside dragging the puggle behind her. Short curly haired girl announces that the puggle poops a lot. Short kid with glasses complains that the short curly haired girl is talking about poop while he is trying to eat his pop tart. Girlfriend shouts at the tall kid from the kitchen telling him to hurry up. Tall kid doesn't respond. Tall pretty girl comes back inside with the puggle, but leaves the morning newspaper on the driveway. Short curly haired girl hops out of the chair and splashes in the milk she has spilled. She demands a napkin to wipe off her feet. Short kid with glasses tells short curly haired girl to get her own napkin. Short curly haired girl slugs short kid with glasses on the arm and calls him a "meanie-head." Short kid with glasses whines out loud and tells the girlfriend that the short curly haired girl assaulted him. Girlfriend takes a swig of coke and removes her morning egg roll from the toaster oven and tells short kid with glasses to get over it. Before the short kid with glasses can complain, girlfriend yells for the tall kid again. Tall kid doesn't respond. Sponge Bob Square Pants is about to segue into Dora the Explorer or Max and Ruby on the television. This is bad, because it means the girlfriend is running late. The panic sets in. Girlfriend quickly packs her lunch and instructs the tall pretty girl to pack her lunch and to help the short kid with glasses pack his too. Girlfriend hustles downstairs to begin loading the minivan. Short kid with glasses and tall pretty girl get into a scuffle over who gets the chocolate pudding. The lunches don't get packed because the kids are fighting. The short curly haired girl tells them to be quiet because she can't hear her show. Girlfriend comes back up the stairs to find the short kid with glasses crying and the tall pretty girl putting chocolate pudding into HER lunchbox. Girlfriend again issues the "get over it" command, and then calls out to the tall kid one more time. Tall kid stumbles into the den half dressed and barefooted. Girlfriend becomes irate. "Why aren't you dressed? Don't you know that we are about to leave?" Tall kid flips his damp hair out of his eyes and tells her that he is sorry. Girlfriend brushes past him on her way back out of the door. Tall kid asks what's for breakfast. Girlfriend moans and tells tall kid that his cheese toast is in the toaster oven. Tall kid slowly sits down and watches television with short curly haired girl while he methodically puts on his shoes. Downstairs, the van cranks to life. Tall pretty girl tells short kid with glasses to hurry up and get out of the way. Short kid with glasses tells the tall pretty girl to shut up. Tall kid finishes tying shoes and tells short curly haired girl goodbye and he slowly makes his way to the van as the girlfriend is backing out of the carport. Tall kid gets in and complains that he is hungry.

Meanwhile, my roommate comes out to the kitchen, pours a cup of coffee, looks into the toaster oven and says, "Hey cool! Cheese toast!"

That was only the first thirty minutes of the day.


I can make millions . . . . !