The tall kid is gone tonight, and it is a school night. He and some of his classmates are going on a field trip tomorrow morning. I think they are going to the space museum in Huntsville, AL. Boring. I'd rather go to the aquarium in Chattanooga. That would be much more interesting and entertaining! All those fish? Swimming around right in front of your face in those big celling to floor tanks? I mean, c'mon! How awesome would that be? I'd be mesmerized for hours, I just know it! At any rate, the tall kid is gone - spending the night with some other kid so they can catch the bus around 5:30 in the morning. Apparently, when the class gets back home late tomorrow night, the tall kid is going to bring home a couple of his friends to spend the night over here. Oh joy.

I just came back from checking on the taller pretty girl. I heard her coughing in her sleep, and I figured I'd go see if she was okay. Her television was on and tuned in to Disney (gag), and she was asleep and snoring. I was looking for the remote control to turn off the TV when I noticed that this crazy kid had fallen asleep with bed's comforter wrapped around her head. How in the world was she breathing? I gently peeled the covering off her head. Nuts, I'm telling you! Who sleeps like that? I mean, really! Where did she learn such odd habits? And then I went to check in on my roommate's girlfriend and the little baby. I immediately had my answer concerning the taller pretty girl.

I saw the baby sleeping soundly, and I swear she was smiling! Probably dreaming about the short curly haired girl not being around . . . And then I noticed the girlfriend. At once I thought I had intruded on her privacy, because she was not lying down. Rather, she was propped up on her elbows with her face staring at the head board of the bed. I was nervous because I didn't want her to think that I was some kind of a creep sneaking into her room. After all, I was just checking in on folks to make sure they were sleeping well before I turned in for the night. But then I realized that I heard snoring. It sounded familiar to me, and as I stood there inside the room, I realized that the snoring sounded a lot like the girlfriend. So, I quietly crept closer to the bed to investigate. As I grew closer, I figured out that it was indeed the girlfriend snoring! She was sound asleep propped up on her elbows. All she needed to complete the similarity with her daughter was to have a blanket draped over her head.

And I thought I was going to be accused of being creepy . . . !

Today was Wednesday. That means that I was alone for the majority of the day. Wednesday is a big day for the family - work, school, and then church. I don't go to church. I get enough God by myself on my daily nature walks. But I digress . . .

On days like today, my mind wanders to random things. My solitude sometimes encourages me to ponder the obscure things that life tosses my way. For instance:

1. Why does Gene Simmons have a reality show?
2. Hurricanes suck.
3. Kathie Lee Gifford is back on television. Really? Isn't that like Barney hosting Meet the Press on Sunday mornings?
4. I'll bet during all her hours on her T.V. show Julia Child never once said, "BAM!"
5 Why does the medical examiner on CSI Miami always talk to dead people as if they were still alive?
6. Speaking of CSI, how much money is paid to the surviving members of The Who these days?
7. Instead of claiming that they can find God in serene places, why don't people just admit that worship and church isn't too high on their personal list of priorities these days? Wimps!
8. Does the combination of pop rocks candy and cola really make your stomach explode?
9. What would the graphics for Grand Theft Auto look like if the game was made available for the Atari 2600?
10. Is there really a better video game than Pitfall?
11. How long does it take to peel a grape?
12. People will watch anything on T.V. Proof? Dancing With the Stars.
13. The commercials where the women's room sign hops off the door to talk to incontinent people about medicating themselves is really creepy. I'd rather wet my pants.
14. What is Barbara Walter's deal?
15. Just for kicks, I think it would be funny if Chipper Jones started to insist that his baseball cards used his Christian name - Larry.

Time for bed. I hope the "thwack, thwack" sound from the rubber hose beating that mop headed kid from American Idol doesn't keep me awake! (Heh-heh)!

My roommate's girlfriend keeps watching American Idol, and I don't understand why. Granted, the first couple of weeks of the show is entertaining with all the auditions and craziness - but why keep watching it all the way into May? Over the years, it seems to me that the truly talented kids don't win.

Tonight, as I tried to nap on the couch, some schmuck decided that it would be a good idea to sing "Hungry Like the Wolf." The genre tonight was the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Why, for the love of everything sacred, would you pick freakin' Duran Duran out of all the artists that are currently in the Hall. (Duran Duran? In the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Really)? I mean seriously! There are only four contestants left in the competition and this moron sings a Duran Duran song. The only other choice that would have been more ridiculous would have been a selection from the Human League, although I'm fairly sure those ding-a-lings aren't even on most Karaoke machines, let alone the Hall of Fame!

Of course, the extremely annoying mop head looking kid sounded like he was singing out of his butt tonight. He actually forgot words to a Bob Dylan song. Honestly - how do you forget Bob Dylan lyrics? Just make up some crap and sing it! I'm pretty sure that's what old Bob does, and he's singing his own tunes! Mop head's performance tonight was mildly reassuring though, because come tomorrow night, he is probably on his way back home to Texas, where hopefully some big, close minded, hateful, cowboy will beat him senseless with a rubber hose merely because he embarrassed the Lone Star state. I'd grab my roommate's cell phone to vote for that! (Of course, there is probably a gaggle of prepubescent girls out there who think mop head is too dreamy to vote off the show, and they will jam cell phone towers all over the continental United States to keep him on the show just to see him next week get on stage and butcher yet another song while smiling his "I just got free ice cream" smile during the entire performance).

Hmmmm! Let's see . . . Sean Cassidy or Paul McCartney?

Gimme a break!

At least my roommate's girlfriend doesn't watch Dancing With the Stars!

Deception

Some folks might call me a bad patient. I don't like doctors very much. I don't like being around people when I'm sick. And I especially don't like taking medicine - regardless of the fact that it can make me feel better and make me well again. I get restless. I'm grumpy. I have no patience for anything or with anybody.

Recently, as I have mentioned, I've been fighting a recurring UTI. The doctor told me I had to take shots to get well. Obviously, I can't give the shots to myself. In fact, I can't even imagine giving myself a shot. I have a deep admiration for those who have to administer shots to themselves on a daily basis; I'm just not one of those people!! I have to rely on my roommate or his girlfriend to give me my shots. Granted, I don't make it easy on them. I squirm and wiggle. I spit, hiss, and complain like there is no tomorrow, but at least when it is time for me to get medicated, I eventually let it happen.

Here's the thing, though. A few days ago, the girlfriend decides that she no longer wants to put up with the shenanigans that accompany me being medicated. She apparently decided that the best way to administer my shots was through deception. She sneaks up on me now, shot in hand, and virtually attacks me with medicine. My roommate is not even involved anymore with the procedure. Obviously, she can't wait around for him to be available for the twice daily ambushes. A clever fox, the girlfriend is.

For example, just yesterday I had been outside for a walk. The sun was bright and the day was absolutely gorgeous. I finished my walk and came home. In a moment that I obviously misinterpreted as the girlfriend's hospitality, she opened the back door for me to welcome me home. It was a nice gesture, to be sure, and I didn't think anything of it at the time. She even asked me if I would like something to drink, and I followed her into the kitchen, because after my walk, I was thirsty. As I stood in the kitchen enjoying my cool drink, two hands seized me from behind!

I would have lunged to get away, but as startled as I was, the water that I had been sipping was violently thrust into my lungs and I began to choke. I writhed around and twisted my head around to see what was happening to me just as the girlfriend gave me a shot. I was mortified to say the least! However, the girlfriend seemed to be all too proud of herself. So proud, in fact that she now sneaks up on me daily to give me my shots. My roommate is completely out of the shot giving equation now.

Ah! The deceptive and equally as sneaky girlfriend haunts my dreams! But I will have my revenge, and it will be sweet!

Call me a doctor!

I just can't seem to shake this urinary tract infection. It really has got me down. I feel terrible all of the time. I spent most of the morning, in fact, napping in the kitchen with that confounded puggle pestering me non-stop. It would yip in my ear and then nip at my face and hands. I felt too bad to move away or even to try to stop him. Believe it or not, the short curly haired girl finally came to my rescue and grabbed the little puggle. I would have thanked her, but she was too busy trying to stuff him into her purse.

As the morning wore on, I eventually made my way into the den to nap on the couch. It was here that I witnessed the most bizarre thing! Rather than tell you outright what I saw, I think I will riddle you instead.

What is this? "Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, flutter, BANG!! Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, flutter, BANG!! Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, flutter, BANG!!"

Give up?

It was the retarded blue jay on my balcony today who spent the better part of an hour hopping up and down the balcony rail and then flying full speed into the window of my den.

Stupid bird.