Reflections from Joe's Garage

The innovative, 70's rock 'n roll, pioneer, Frank Zappa once wrote an off color tune entitled "Why Does it Hurt When I Pee?" I have my own ideas about what he was talking about in his tune, and I have a pretty good idea he wasn't talking about a urinary track infection. But - he could have been as far as I'm concerned recently!

MAN! I have been in some serious pain for the past couple of days! Taking a simple leak is nothing to take for granted. I guess I never really realized that. I haven't been able to drink enough water for days. I haven't been able to get comfortable for days. I haven't ever experienced such pain - EVER. I tried to ignore it. I tried to pretend that I was okay. I tried to keep my pain and discomfort a secret from my roommate and the girlfriend, because I knew that if they realized there was something wrong with me, they'd take me to the doctor.

Last night, everyone had gone to bed except for my roommate. I didn't immediately realize that he was still awake, and he heard me crying out in pain. He came to the door of the bathroom and knocked. I was startled, but I managed to keep quiet. Most people, upon not getting a response after knocking on a door, will turn away. Not my stubborn roommate, though. He tentatively turned the door knob and pushed his way into the bathroom. I was embarrassed and angry all at once. I tried to lead on that everything was fine, but he knew something was wrong. He told me that he was going to take me to the doctor in the morning. No questions.

When the sun rose this morning, I woke up and took cover. He was not going to take me to the doctor. I was fine, or at least I would be eventually. Doctors have needles and things that probe areas that are better left alone and untouched. My plan to hide from him worked for a while. I heard him calling my name; I heard him going from room to room in the house. I heard him cussing me under his breath when his search was unsuccessful. (Tee-hee)! And by the way, thank goodness for the short curly haired girl! My roommate had to stop looking for me when he heard her out on the driveway about to strike out down the street. I thought I was home free. I heard the van crank up and pull out of the driveway. Whew!

However, later on today, around one or one-thirty, I heard the key in the door. I was in some serious pain, and could not move. I trusted that my current hiding place was good enough, and I braced myself as I heard his footsteps on the stairs. I really must be transparent and obvious, because this time, my roommate found me immediately. Before I could even object, he grabbed me, led me down the stairs, and stuffed me in his minivan. Ugh! I complained the whole time in the car, but he just turned ESPN radio up louder. Into the doctor's office we flew. I was indignant. The pain seared through my abdomen and gave me double vision, but I was still trying to figure out a way to get out of the doctor's office. No luck, though. The nurse checked me in, gave some reassuring words to my roommate, and then told him to pick me up around 4.

I was furious! He was going to leave me alone! Angry as I was, the pain held me in check. I would have to get even with my roommate later. The doctor finally came in and gave me two HUGE shots that hurt like the devil. He poked and prodded me like I was a four day old cantaloupe at the farmer's market. He made some notes, and then told the nurse to fill a prescription for some antibiotics and pain medication. I overheard the nurse say that my roommate had requested liquid medicine for me. He apparently believes that giving me a liquid medication will be easier than getting me to swallow a pill. Ultimately, that is true, but just wait! I am going to make my roommate's life a living hell trying to give me my medicine!

The short curly haired girl and I don't get along that well, but she has taught me a thing or two about belligerence and being medicated.

Honestly, I feel much better already having received the injections from the doc. The additional medication that my roommate has for me will more than likely speed me on the road to a full recovery. I won't miss the pain, that's for sure. I suppose, however, that I'm hung up on the principle of the whole thing. I like for things to happen on my own terms.

Frank Zappa. What a musical genius.